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There is an intriguing pattern that I watch people get into, I like to call them ‘revenge circles’. 

This is when 2 (or occasionally more) people end up using some sort of perceived injustice as an excuse to act like an asshole towards the other person in a bid to rebalance the universe and make it all alright again.  The rationale tends to go along the lines of ‘Well he/she did <perceived injustice> so I’ll show them by <asshole behaviour>’. 

Can I point out this asshole behaviour can include telling the other person exactly how much it hurt and making them grovel like a pig to make up for it. 

Of course, what happens next is the cycle returns to the beginning as the mantle of ‘asshole’ is given to the other person.  And so the cycle goes on. It can repeat for years and it has the ability to kill any relationship; romantic, business, friendship whatever. 

The thing for people to notice is that revenge is never about the other person. It’s about you.  As an example try this on ‘You made me feel small/insignificant/bad/sad/mad so now I’ll make you feel small/insignificant/bad/sad/mad to make me feel better’. It’s poisonous yet it’s easily stopped. 

Break the cycle. Just don’t be an asshole! Tell it like it is but avoid point scoring. Be honest and truthful but don’t belittle or jab at the person’s ego. 

Revenge is about you not them. Now it’s up to you to do what you need to do. 🙂

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